Journaling

I started to journal the day that the helmet came. So i will copy and paste my journals into this one post and from here on out i will do a post daily if i can about how i feel that day or what new obstacles are occurring.

Day One of Plagio-
The helmet arrived. Nolan took to it very easily but avoided looking at it when the doctor placed it in front of him. It’s a solid white helmet that blocks those gorgeous blue eyes that I adore seeing every day. We are in the breaking process right now so while he sleeps he does not wear it. When we came home tonight, I completely lost it. I just stared at my ‘new” son and cried. He was perfectly fine but I had a problem. When he did start to cry Nick assumed it was because he wanted to eat which it was time to eat.I just lost it and asked how he didn’t know it was due to the helmet, he of course backed down when he saw my tears. I really hope the next few days are easier. I just sat in the kitchen on our bare floor and cried for an hour. Nick doesn't understand and is way too easy going about everything. I understand that there could be worse things, but i would never ask for this or wish this process on anyone.

Day Two of Plagio-
Nolan cried when I put on his helmet this morning and I managed to smash his ear. I felt terrible. Today he wears it for 2 hours at a time but honestly only does and hour and a half before hes crashing for a nap so then we are required to remove it. The reddness is there of course but goes away. I hate putting this helmet on. It really should take two people and I cannot wait until he does wear it all day because then its less times I have to put it on. After 90 minutes he was soaked in sweat so I can imagine 23 hours!!! If it gets any worse today I do not know what I will do. I joined a support group online last night and I think it will be very beneficial to me.

Day Three of Plagio-
Today was 4 hours at a time plus leaving it on while he slept or napped if it was during his 4 hour time period. He did really well sleeping it during the day today. It is so hard to open the helmet and especially by myself. He still cries for a minute or two but then everything seems okay with him. We are watching for redness and of course his head is red every time but no localized spots that we can see.

Day Four of Plagio-
Today is a big day in many ways. Nolan will wear the helmet for 8 hours at a time and has to sleep in it overnight. I sure hope he sleeps well! He has slept through the night since he was about 5-6 weeks old. We noted a localized spot on his head during an hour break but luckily it went away. I started to feel a bit better today about the whole helmet situation. We went furniture shopping and took him out for the first time with the helmet on. I was terrified that everyone would stare and say things under their breath. While at the furniture store, the lady helping us asked us what it was for. She assumed it was for a soft spot on his head so we explained and she was so kind. This was a huge relief for me in many ways. He also met his Biological grandfather. I was not excited to do this as the helmet was a huge barrier for me, not for Nolan.

Day Five of Plagio-
Well my son is a trickster. He began touching the helmet and now tries to push it up after hours of wearing it. Today is his first full day of wearing it. The doctor was not wrong, there was plenty of sweat and you definitely have to thoroughly clean the helmet, you don't want that smell around all day! I know that it is gross, but this is the reality i face everyday now. Nolan also will twist and turn his head all around as he watches the helmet come down on his head. Little sneaky boy :) I received many emails checking on me from my support group and my new friend Allison. I cannot tell you how much it has helped to talk with or email other parents who all felt the same way that i did. They know how much work it is and the obstacles that i will face. I am blessed to have "met" other moms who feel the same way.

Day Six of Plagio- Today was the first time while being out where everyone stared or at least i felt that way. Granted, we were in a really different area that we went to on accident. We were not close to home and were very outside the comfort zone. None of them said anything but stared at us like we were aliens and not once did i let it show that it bothered me because for once it did not. It was so hot today i felt absolutely awful for the baby. He was actually dripping sweat off of his head onto his nose. I keep remembering what Allison told me which was if you appear as though you are embarrassed about the helmet others will feel the same way. You have no idea how this has stuck with me. Times have been hard and taken me on the worst emotional roller coaster possible but in the end we are doing what is best for him and I always will.

Today otherwise known as Day Seven of Plagio- So far this morning he has been fine. It is just now noon and he is doing okay with the helmet. I will not say he loves it or hates it but just cannot wait until it is bath time when he is free from the helmet. Last night when we put him to bed he slept through the process of putting the helmet back on. That was wonderful i wish i could have it that way everyday!!! We go back to the doctor tomorrow to talk about localized redness, which is appearing on his cheeks from the helmet and one spot on his forehead. Nick thinks he has grown because there is not as much space in there anymore. We will see i guess.